Happy 1st Birthday, "Gusta-Bear"!!!

Dear Gusta-Bear (our nickname for Christa),

I waited a long time to meet you. I am one of those girls who has wanted to be a mom since I was literally 5 years old. One year ago today, I finally got to hold you in my arms.

Our first day together was perfect. The hospital you were born at was wonderful with excellent doctors, nurses, and even food. Nothing hurt - not the IV, or the contractions, or even the epidural. I had been so scared leading up to your birthday, but when it finally arrived, the only thing I felt was excitement and joy. Pure joy. You were beautiful the moment you were born, even with the red forceps line across your eye. You were so tiny and cuddly, and easily soothed with some tender holding. I wanted you to stay like that forever.

Then I blinked, and you were two weeks old. I'd broken most of the rules I'd set for myself before becoming a parent. You slept in our bed a few nights, even though I said I'd never do that. I freaked out every time someone tried to give you a pacifier, even though I thought I'd want you to have one. Your favorite place to sleep was on Mommy or Daddy's tummy. And I wanted you to stay like that forever.

I blinked again, and you were 7 weeks old. You started sleeping through the night, which only increased my love for you :). Your smile was beautiful. You had "milk teeth" - little indentations in your gums that looked like teeth imprints. It was so funny to see you smile at us. I wanted to keep you like that forever.

Then you were 4 months old. Looking back, that was one of my favorite ages for you so far. We had our eating and sleeping routine down pat, and I was feeling more comfortable in my role as a mom. I was able to cut my daily phone calls to your doctor down to every other day, and felt free to make plans without obsessing over your nap schedule. You laughed the hardest at Daddy, but seemed to appreciate Mommy's efforts at entertaining you. You had your bouncer friends who you kicked and looked at for hours. I wanted you to stay that way forever.

All of a sudden, you were 8 months old. You'd learned to roll across the room, sit up, and jump around in your jumper. You started to babble, saying "ba-ba" and "da-da." I wondered if you'd ever grow any hair, and gave up temporarily, on my efforts to make you wear bows. You were a little less cuddly, and would only sleep by yourself in a crib, but we could occasionally wrangle a sweet kiss from you. I wanted to keep you that way forever.

I blinked and you were 10 months old. You had a mouth full of real teeth and a huge toothy grin. You started crawling, saying "ma-ma", and pulling yourself up on things. You developed a little attitude, and would quickly let us know if we stopped reading to you before you were ready to be done or tried to cut a song short. You started rejecting all baby food, insisted on feeding yourself and examining each bite carefully, before accepting it into your mouth. You finally started growing some blond hair, which still shocks Mommy, since my hair has always been so dark. Your hair was beautiful, and you were beautiful. Strangers would come up to us and say how gorgeous you were. I wanted you to stay that way forever.

Today, you're one year old. You love to clap your hands and stick out your tongue. I call you my little lizard because you're always sticking your tongue out back and forth, like a lizard does. You're still a great sleeper. You love the song "If You're Happy and You Know It" and the book "Baby Einstein's Mirror Me." You pretend to be bashful with strangers, snuggling into Mommy or Daddy and laughing when they come up to you. Then you look up at them and do it all over again, like a fun game. You don't walk yet, but you cruise and crawl all over the place. You're a pretty picky eater, but will eat anything off of the floor that isn't supposed to be edible. When I get on to you, you laugh and rush to put more in your mouth. I can't help but laugh at you. I wish I could keep you this way forever. But so far you just keep getting better and better. And since I don't have a choice in the matter anyhow, I guess I'll just look forward to knowing you at age 2, and 5, and 16, and 21, and 50.

Happy birthday, my sweet little angel.

I love you,

Mommy