Part 3: The Weaver

(scroll down to Part 1 to start from the beginning of the story)

The Weaver
My life is but a weaving between my Lord and me
I cannot choose the colors; He worketh steadily
Oft times He weaveth sorrow, and I, in foolish pride
Forget he sees the upper, and I, the underside.

Not 'til the loom is silent and shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful in the weaver's skillful hand.
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares; Nothing this truth can dim
He gives His very best to those who leave the choice with Him.
-Author Unknown

My sweet sister-in-law sent this poem to me after our miscarriage back in 2008.  It was one of the most comforting things anyone did for me during that time, and I have re-read it many times since then.  This poem turned out to be a recurring theme during our week at Floyd Medical Center.  It "just so happened" that a friend of mine had a miscarriage a week or two before our delivery and asked my advice as she made some tough decisions, turning my attention to this poem out of the blue, days before I would need to recall it.
I got the feeling early on in our stay that God was doing big things on the 3rd floor.  I still don't know how everything came/will come together, and I still don't understand the purpose or "good" in some of the things that happened last week.  But with each "coincidence," each familiar face that I was surprised to see, and every need that was met either for us or because we were there, I could see the threads of the tapestry intertwining together.  They were in a bible verse sent to me at just the right moment.  They were in a perfectly-timed text message from a trusted babysitter offering to help at the exact moment I was trying to figure out how to relieve my parents so that Cline could come to the hospital for an hour and work out some logistics with me.  They were in a quickly answered phone call during a 3a.m. emergency.  They were in a friend who made a much-needed grocery run for us.  They were in an uplifting Facebook message from a hurting mother of twins who was really encouraged by Cline's "preemie twin success story" in the NICU.  They were in the comforting words of a friend that I "just so happened" to run into in the hallway as she was trying to discreetly drop my favorite dessert off with my nurse.  The Lord used her journey with her own precious, special needs child to give me just what I needed to hear, using some dark threads in her life to bring a bright ray of hope and comfort into mine.  They were in the poem I received from my sister-in-law 5 years ago, that became even more meaningful as I saw the sentiment behind it in action.
What happened over the course of that week became so, so much bigger than our decision to induce.  Whether or not that was the right decision became meaningless as I began to see tiny glimpses of parts of the beautiful tapestry The Lord was weaving all around me on the 3rd floor of Floyd Medical Center.  As the dark and colorful threads intertwined over years of experiences, the parts of God's handiwork He allowed me to see made even the health of my child seem small.  Thomas's recovery, especially as he began to improve, didn't feel like the "real" reason we were there for very long, and my worry for him was dwarfed by the amazing things that God did multiple times a day on our behalf.  There were too many joys and tragedies coming together to remind me, and I hope others, of God's loving character and attention to detail in our lives.  I left with a wonderful addition to our family in my arms, a hole in my heart for others, and a renewed confidence that God does indeed know, love, and care for every detail in our lives.

Psalm 139 (NIV)
 1You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, oh God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you...

23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.