Hello all!! Time for a slightly more serious post, I suppose - one I've written and deleted several times. But this topic seems to be a recurring theme in my life, so I am posting it this time. It can be a controversial subject, and one that many mothers can be very sensitive about. With that in mind, let me just say, that I am not making any statement here on which feeding method I feel is best for anyone other than myself. I am also not intending to start a debate on who is the better mothering group :) I am simply trying to walk through some of my own emotions as a mother who wants the very best - whatever that may mean - for all of my children. So, here is my say :)
I am a nursing mom - for the 3rd time. I am also a bottle-feeder - for the 3rd time. I have nothing but respect for all of my mom-friends who choose to breast-feed exclusively, bottle-feed exclusively, or do both, as I have chosen.
Honestly, I have never had a strong desire to breast-feed. Before Christa was born, I figured I would give it a shot because, as a nurse, I believed in the health benefits of it. My husband, as a result of his medical training, encouraged me in this decision, and warned me that it might be tough at first, but assured me that the benefits would be well-worth the effort. Fortunately, despite those nerve-racking first couple of weeks of trying to make sure I was "doing it right," things went really well. I nursed as much as I was able, supplemented with formula when it was convenient, and Christa and I enjoyed a 9-month nursing/bottle-feeding relationship.
When Abby Kate came along, I had the same mental plan..... which fell apart to bits within her first week of life. A latch issue turned into a supply issue, which then turned into emotional turmoil as I struggled to make the best decision for how to feed my baby. The thought of nursing my fussy, starving baby around the clock was exhausting, but the guilt of thinking about quitting was overwhelming. After a few weeks of an intense nurse/bottle-feed/pump/repeat routine, we were able to stumble through our nursing journey for about 10 months. I vowed that I would never put such pressure on myself again, and that if I had any trouble at all with the 3rd, we would buy a can of formula and be done with it.
Elizabeth has been a dream baby, and our nursing relationship has been less-perfect that Christa's and easier than Abby Kate's. We got off to a great start with the help of my wonderful and much-respected lactation consultant. I agreed to some extra pumping during the first few weeks in order to establish a strong milk supply, and Elizabeth and I coasted right along for the first 2 months. Now at the end of her 3rd month of life, I find myself facing supply issues once again, despite a hearty diet of carbs and sugar and some healthy doses of both herbal and medicinal aides. Shortly after Elizabeth's 2 month check-up, we began what I thought was a growth spurt. After a week of fussy behavior and a constant desire to nurse, I scheduled a weight check and learned that she has gained very little weight in nearly a month. (Nursing babies typically gain weight more slowly than formula fed ones, but her weight gain is almost non-existent despite very frequent nursing all day, every day.) The supplemental formula has been kicked up a few notches, given this information. However, it is not easy to nurse every time she seems hungry, then bottle-feed her, then wonder if she's still hungry 45 minutes later because I have no idea how much she got, if anything, from me. I am basically doubling the workload of the most time-consuming job there is with a young baby, and missing out on some fun activities with my older children because of it.
Which leads me to a question that I have been asking myself since Abby Kate was born - how much am I willing to sacrifice for the health benefits of breast milk?? (I am not open to ordering milk on the internet, but place no judgment on those who do). What exactly are these health benefits that I believe in so much that I am willing to invest such time and energy and endure such frustration for months and months?
I had a talk with my good friend, Google, and Google basically told me that breast-feeding my baby reduces her "risk" for 18,000 different terrible diseases. I found very little that breast-feeding outright prevents, but all of the health-care professionals seem to agree that reducing these "risks" outweighs any cost or complications that might make breast-feeding difficult for some people. I learned of some other benefits, such as advanced IQ, some decreased risks of diseases for myself, and quicker weight loss for myself. I know for sure that last one isn't happening for me, and do I really care if my kids' IQs are 2 points higher than they might otherwise have been? Won't having time to read and work puzzles with them because I'm not sitting down to nurse every time we get a chance to play also enhance their IQ??
I am mulling this information over in my head, as I have done many times before. Rationally, I am not a huge statistics person. I am a big believer in taking common-sense steps to prevent terrible accidents and diseases. For example, I strap my children in 5-point harness carseats whenever we are riding in a vehicle, and I would not take my 3-month-old into a room full of people with the flu. However, I can not promise that Christa will be riding in a booster seat until she is 11 years old because "studies show" that "might possibly" reduce her "risk" of a "spinal cord injury" in the event that we "might" be in a car accident that "might" be severe enough to cause said spinal cord injury in spite of the use of simple seat belt. Additionally, we routinely shop at Wal-Mart, and I do not disinfect everything we touch while there. In other words, while I do want my children to be as healthy and safe as possible, I do not believe that I have the power and control to "maybe" prevent every "possible" bad thing that could ever happen to them. Nor do I have the energy or the emotional strength to try. Maybe I am lazy. Or maybe I am just a mom who wants to enjoy all 3 of her kids at these special ages without constantly worrying (or being told by "helpful parenting articles") that I'm not doing enough to protect them from diabetes, or cancer, or a car accident that is out of my control.
All that being said, it's a lot harder to quit than I think it should be. I don't want to shy away from something just because it's difficult, and I don't want to wish I had "tried harder" a year from now. Doing everything I *reasonably* can to lower my children's risks of horrible or minor diseases is a good thing.
I know what my breast-feeding friends would tell me to do. I know what my bottle-feeding friends would tell me to do. I know what my parents would tell me to do. I have heard what my lactation consultant has told me to do. Five years from now, this will not feel like such a huge decision, and I doubt I will regret my choice either way. If, heaven forbid, Elizabeth does get a terrible disease down the road, I do not seriously think that I will be quick to blame it on the lack of breast milk she got as an infant. But it is something to think about for the moment, so think I will continue to do.... until we either get to 9 or so months and I'm still nursing somehow or I find out she's still not gaining enough weight at her next weight check, and I start stocking up on some trusty Enfamil.
**I welcome any positive and respectful opinions on this topic :) **
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Call me and we can talk about it :)
Jessica- you are a fabulous mom! Breastfeeding or not you are still fabulous! You need to make your decision based on whats best for you and your children. I know its just my opinion but I always went with the saying, "Some breast milk is better than non." It definately helped me feel less pressure and exact for a few breakdowns each of my kids made it to about 6 months, then we stopped due to supply and life in general. I've yet to see a case that proves breastfeeding for less than "x" amount of months does not benefit your baby or harms your babies potential. Love you girl!
I think you are a wonderful mom!! I had to end up feeding my first baby formula because it was so difficult for me at the beginning. I had a breastfeeding mom made me feel horrible about it. But I thought to myself "If I want to be a good,and healthy mom to my daughter, I need to take care of myself as well." Ultimately it is all in God's hands. My daughter has barely gotten sick in two years, and I believe it is because God is sovereign. I am nursing my son, and I really wanted too, but I wasn't willing to allow my life to turn completely upside down for it. You love your girls SO much and you are wonderful mother no matter what you choose to do :)
I know how you feel. Breastfeeding does cause us all to worry about is my baby getting enough, is she gaining weight, are all my children getting plenty of attention and time from me.
I read an article in a well respected paper that explained that every time the components of breastmilk are studied, researchers find new components in milk that they never knew existed. The theory is that breastmilk has evolved over time to give infants a survival advantage. The gut flora of breastfed infants is different from that of bottlefed infants and this also changes over time. I found this article very interesting. It is amazing to me that with all of our technology, we can't duplicate what God created a woman's body to do. We are definitely fearfully and wonderfully made. Additionally, second to placing babies on their backs to sleep, the second risk reducer of SIDS is a breastfeeding mother. These facts gave me the incentive to keep on keeping on. Just wanted to share it with you.
I really hate that mothers have to feel this pressure concerning the way they feed their children. I really do. :(
Because my mother had no desire to breast feed, I was an exclusively formula/bottle fed baby as were both of my brothers. We all turned out great. We are healthy, our only allergies are seasonal, we all graduated in the top 10 of our respective high school class, and we are all college graduates. My oldest brother majored in physics and chemistry and has a PhD. I didn't like school enough to do that.
I'm from rural Alabama and there, people didn't talk openly or question how you fed your infant, and honestly, most people I know bottle fed.
Then I moved here, and OH MY OPINIONATED MAMAS!!! I have never in my life been made to feel so guilty about anything as I did when Will was born and I formula fed him from day one.
The same mothers who all encouraged each other in their own breast feeding endeavors turned into vultures toward me. For months, every time I was near them, especially at church, I got guilt tripped and made to feel like the winner of worst mother ever award because I "didn't give him the benefit of breast milk." I heard,"oh, you mean you're giving him formula?" *gasp* and " I can't believe you didn't even try," and "I just had to breast feed so I could bond with my baby" as if to say I was not going to bond with Will because I gave him formula in a bottle. I was told he would have more allergies and that I was doing him an injustice. One mother who had offered all sorts of breast feeding advice while I was pregnant turned into crazy breast feeding lady who was in disbelief that I didn't want my child to have all of the advantages hers had and in a round about way implied that my child was going to be dumb as a rock b/c he was not breast fed.
Sure, I read the articles about the benefits of breast feeding, but coming from personal experience, I was not convinced. I felt like it was more of people trying to push their personal agenda on mothers at a time when they were most vulnerable.
After some thought on the subject, I decided that yes, God made a mother's body to make milk, but he also gave someone else the intelligence to create a formula that closely matches that of breast milk in order to provide a healthy alternative, much like he gives someone the intelligence to create a medicine to cure an illness.
As for my bottle/formula fed babies, tt takes all of 3 minutes talking with Will to learn that he is a total nerd! He has no allergies that I know of, and he hasn't been for more than a well-check up in the past 5 years. Ava was also exclusively bottle/formula fed and so far, so good with her.
My personal motto is "Happy Mama = Happy baby"
If I had breast fed, I know I would have been miserable. I'm glad I made the decision I did and thankfully with Ava, I received no guilt trips about feeding. Now, having a repeat c-section was a different story. I got to hear all kinds of comments from the peanut gallery about that.
Anyway, you are a great mom and you should do what works best for you. It's just my experience that genetics and nurturing play a much larger role in a child's health and intelligence than the way he/she was fed as an infant and as I said before, A happy mama = a happy baby.
You just have to do what's best for you and only you can know that.
I breastfed Travis for 3 days & decided that wasn't going to work so I bought a pump and pumped for 6weeks & fed him with the bottle. This was great (except for the pumping part) because he got the breast milk & I could tell how much he was drinking & I could be on a schedule myself. Then with Ronnie, he was a bottle/formula baby. I lost so much weight with Travis they didn't want me to breastfeed Ronnie. Then with Victoria I did the same as with Travis but for about 4 months. With Jesse Lee I did it for about 5-6 months. The weird thing is Ronnie has the least amount of allergies & skin problems! Go figure.
I know it's hard not to feel guilty. But if you are miserable, everyone else will be too! I say go buy some formula & play with your girls & all will be fine. :)Good Luck!
MA
Post a Comment