10 Reasons Why...

... being the Matron of Honor might be harder than being the Bride!!


10. You don't get to pick the dress you wear. And the bride's choice, while beautiful, may or may not bunch in places that reveal every roll of post-baby fat you have, despite your alteration attempts. And your seamstress may or may not forget to replace the hook on the zipper after she removes it.

9. You will be expected to parent your 3 month old in the midst of constant activity. And your 3 month old may or may not like crowds, excitement, and lots of people at one time. And she might insist that her feedings are provided to her regularly - by you, nursing mom. And this may or may not accomodate the activities you are also expected to be present for.

8. You WILL participate in the busiest weekend you've had since your own wedding. And your 3 month old, who normally sleeps like her dad during lecture, may or may not decide that 2 days before the wedding is a good time to start waking up 4 and 5 times a night. And this will render both you and your husband even more exhausted than your first week home with her.

7. The constant activity, combined with the demands of your infant and your failure to plan properly, may or may not allow time for the desparately needed pedicure that is sure to salvage your dry and flaky nails. And things of this nature might be especially noticable and important to the bride and her sorority friend bridesmaids. So, you may or may not make a last minute substitution of closed-toe shoes that you haven't worn for a year and a half. And they may or may not fit as well as you remembered.

6. One of your parents might fall down the steep and slippery stairs at the wedding venue immediately after leaving the bridal party waiting room. And it might be one of the scariest moments of your life. And you might not be able to immediately find out which one it is and how they are because you are busy perfecting the art of breast-feeding your daughter in a formal gown modestly and without stain. You will later learn that it was your father, and angels must have been watching over him because he is unharmed.

5. You may or may not have to squeeze in some time laughing because your dad spilled coke all over the wedding photographer when he fell down the stairs.

4. You may or may not snap at the bride's dog the day of the wedding, invoking the wrath of the bride because you're stressed out that the hair you spent 2 hours having professionally styled is already beginning to fall. And your dry, flaky, bitten-off fingernails may become a casualty of having to drive back across town to have it re-styled. And you may or may not have to kiss the snapped-at dog so that the bride will not be angry on her wedding day. And this might be a big deal because you may or may not be a dog-lover, since you took out your frustrations on a canine to begin with.

3. The bride might delegate to you to find someone to videotape the wedding "AND" reception at the last minute. And you may or may not think to ask your talented but illiterate cousin via e-mail to assist in this task. And your cousin may or may not be named Justin Karch. And Justin might overlook the small but important word "and," thereby taping only the wedding reception.... NOT the ceremony!

2. Your husband may or may not leave your camera in his rented Tuxedo. This may or may not go unnoticed until after the tux has been returned and you are trying to snap a picture of your daughter meeting her new Uncle Brandon before he and your sister leave for their honeymoon. (And what you really might need is a tape recorder to catch the hilarious songs Brandon might make up for your baby).

1. You don't get to go on a relaxing, carefree honeymoon to an all-inclusive resort in Jamaica for a week to recover from the exhausting weekend. Instead, you must immediately return to your reality and catch up on the everyday tasks you've been neglecting for 6 days, pampering THE BRIDE (who you are very happy for and were quite pleased and honored to be a part of her special weekend).

Despite a few snaffoos, the wedding was beautiful, and fun was had by all. Welcome to the family, Brandon - we're excited to have you!! Thank you VERY MUCH to my mother-in law for watching Christa during the wedding and Jamie for keeping her during the rehearsal! I'm going to sleep now.