Three Years Ago

Three years ago we celebrated Cline's final days of residency in Augusta, celebrated Christa's 1st birthday, celebrated our long-awaited move home, celebrated the 4th of July, and celebrated a little life that we never got the chance to meet. Many of you know that I had a miscarriage shortly after Christa's 1st birthday. I will never forget walking into that ultrasound room full of hope and expectation, and leaving with the reality that a tragedy had struck our happy family. I won't lie - that day pretty much sucked the fun out of every ultrasound I've had since then.
Three years later, my life is full and happy most days. I am blessed beyond anything I can understand or imagine with a fabulous husband and the 3 most beautiful and precious girls in the world. I love my family more than I can express, and while I'm far from perfect, I am amazed daily at the wonderful life God has given me. But I certainly haven't forgotten or stopped missing our little "Teeny-bear." Cline and I have a good cry every Christmas as we hang the engraved Christmas ornament he got for me that year so that we would have a tangible way to remember our second child. I will occasionally see a child that was born in early 2009 (my due date would have been late February of that year), and I wonder what kind of a toddler my baby would be today. How would she and Christa get along? Would she be running and talking as well as that other little girl is? What in the world would she look like, since all 3 of my girls look so different from each other??
Sometimes, as I look at my beautiful, healthy babies, I am reminded of how much I lost that day. And so I hug my girls a little tighter and play with them a little longer. And I thank God a little more often for giving me the incredible honor of raising these sweet babies.
Sadly, I have had friends since that day go through similar experiences. And my heart has broken for each friend each time I've heard about their situation. I recently ran across this poem in a book that has been about as comforting to me as anything I've read, so I want to share it with my sweet friends who have also experienced this loss.
To My Baby

Is it proper to cry for a baby too small for a coffin?
Yes, I think it is.
Does Jesus have my too-small baby in His tender arms?
Yes, I think He does.
There is so much I do not know about you- My child
He, she?
quiet or restless?
Will I recognize someone I knew so little about, yet loved so much?
Yes, I think I will.
Ah, sweet, small child
Can I say that loving you is like loving God?
Loving, yet not seeing.
Holding, yet not touching.
Caressing, yet separated by the chasm of time.
No tombstone marks your sojourn, and only God recorded your name.
The banquet was not canceled, just moved, just moved.
Yet a tear remains where baby should have been.

-Bob Neudorf